Stress
Most of us are not looking to add additional stress to our lives. But this is exactly what happened to a lot of people over the past few months. Ready or not, the stress has come. So what now?
Before I answer that question, I want to offer a disclaimer: I am a pastor, and while I have researched what I am about to share with you my education and experience are primarily in the field of theology, and it is from that perspective in which I share with you. It is also from that perspective that I want to apologize on behalf of all Christians. For those of you who have wrestled with stress, anxiety, and depression, I am sorry that we have too often ignored or over spiritualized mental health issues, and instead of helping, we have caused you pain.
There are spiritual practices we can incorporate into our daily routines that may help us cope with stress, anxiety, and depression, but we do not need to use those tools like hammers to beat up persons who are already struggling. When the only solace we offer someone is to read Scripture and pray, it can feel like we are dismissing their pain and in that case, we are doing more harm than good. This is especially true when we are advising our Christian friends and family members who are likely already praying and reading Scripture. To say they need to read more Scripture or pray more sounds like, "you are not holy enough" and adds to the hurt they are already experiencing. Whether someone is a Christian or not, if they are overwhelmed by stress, struggling with anxiety, or wrestling with depression you can be sure they want to feel better. If there were a quick fix, they would have already tried it. And they do not need an expanded to-do list or an accounting of ways they do not measure up.
And let's be clear, Christians can be overwhelmed by stress, battle depression, and suffer from anxiety just like everyone else.
The culture in many of our churches is either in denial of or so exceedingly judgemental of mental health issues that if a person who is having a difficult time in life were to attend one of our churches they would never admit that they struggle.
Church, we have a lot of work to do on ourselves.
So What now?
Everyone experiences stress, so please know that no matter how overwhelmed you feel, you are not alone.
It may also be helpful to know that a small amount of stress is actually helpful for motivating us to do our best. Stress is like a healthy diet; we need to consume more positive stress than negative stress. While at the same time we should not consume too much positive stress, because just as too much healthy food can make us overweight, too much positive stress can push beyond our ability to cope. Therefore, we need to manage even the positive stressors so that we do not become overwhelmed by all the good we are attempting to do.
Positive stress is usually short term stressor that helps you focus your energy on a task or situation. Positive stressors can be a professional goal or a personal goal that challenges you, while at the same time excites you and gives you energy. Your personal goals may include exercise, which can act as a vaccine against negative stress. And of course, your goals may include spiritual practices, which also helps to inoculate you against negative stressors.
Whatever goals you set, make sure they are SMART,
Specific (Needs to be a clear goal where you can focus your efforts on achieving your goal).
Measurable (this is something you want to do and/or know the benefits are worth what it takes to achieve your goal, and when you think about the outcome/goal you get excited about the results).
Achievable (attainable. Losing 100lbs in a month is not a healthy or achievable goal, it would be better to set a goal of losing between 4lbs to 12lbs in a month).
Relevant (is it relevant to your life; something you need at this moment).
Time-bound (time/cost limited, time-sensitive, if you have set a realistic timeline you should likely feel a sense of achievement even if you do not reach your full goal, but you know you have made great strides).
(Read More About SMART Goals Here)
In addition to SMART goals, we must also create margin in our lives so that when the unexpected happens (and it always happens) we will not be overwhelmed. But fear not if you are overwhelmed, once again, you are not alone in waiting until your stress becomes unmanageable, and you feel out of control to decide to do something about your stress. We all hope that if we ignore it, it will go away. Unfortunately, that is not how stress works.
If we allow stress to accumulate we will eventually find ourselves living in a perpetual state of fight-or-flight. Stress causes our bodies to release a rush of hormones that can increase our heart rate, elevate our blood pressure, accelerate our breathing, cause tensing of muscles, and sweating. Once the threat is gone, our bodies are supposed to recover and return to a normal, relaxed mood. Unfortunately, many of our stress levels are so high that our fight-or-flight response is always on.
When our fight-or-flight button is always switched on, we may feel angry, tense, worried, or irritable. We may also experience headaches or an upset stomach with no medical basis. Over time, recurring activation of the fight-or-flight stress response can result in high blood pressure, clogged arteries, and brain changes that can contribute to anxiety, depression, and addiction. There is also research suggesting persistent stress leads to obesity because it may cause people to eat more, and sleep and exercise less.
Stress is a part of our lives, and if we are not using healthy methods of coping, we are likely utilizing unhealthy coping tools. Below are a few common unhealthy ways we cope with stress.
Common Unhealthy Coping Tools:
Smoking
Drinking Excessive amounts of Alcohol
Drinking a lot of Caffeine
Eating Disorders
Compulsive Spending
Avoidance (people, issues)
Promiscuous Behavior
Excessive Sleeping
How do we manage stress in healthy ways?
First, realize that you cannot control every person and situation, but you can control your response to stress. You do have the power in your life to manage stress in healthy ways, including establishing SMART goals for yourself to create positive stress as previously mentioned. But there are even more ways we can manage stress.
Here is a list of stress management tools that you can use both as prevention and when you are feeling out of control.
1. Breathe.
I am listing this one first because if you are feeling overwhelmed you need to do this right now. Stop what you are doing and take a few deep breaths. Acknowledge that you are feeling stress, or anxious. If your stress is connected to a person who is in the room you may need to excuse yourself, and it is perfectly okay to let them know you are feeling stressed, and need a minute to yourself.
In Genesis 2:7 we are told that the “the Lord God formed the human from the topsoil of the fertile land and blew life’s breath into his nostrils. The human came to life.”
When you pause and take a deep breath, realize that you have the breath of God in your lungs, and be grateful for every breath. As God's creation with His divine breath in our lungs, we are His sons and daughters (2 Corinthians 6:18).
The song, “Sons and Daughters” by Ironbell is a great reminder of God's love for us, and as you listen, be sure to breathe.
2. Don’t Awfulize. Be Thankful.
While you are taking that minute and focusing on your breathing ask yourself:
“Is this stress realistic? -- Is the situation I am stressing about really likely to happen? Or am I worried about something that may never happen
Or is the situation completely out of my control?
In Matthew 6:34, Jesus tells us not to worry about the "what ifs" in our life. We already have enough in front of us to focus on, adding "what ifs" to our list of problems is counterproductive.
Ask yourself, If the worst possible outcome does happen, what would be so bad about that (worst case scenario)?
Could I handle that?
What can I do?
Focus on the good in your life. Be Grateful for what & who you have in your life (right now).
1 Thessalonians 5:18 reminds us to, "Give thanks in every situation because this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."
3. Pray, or Meditate.
Prayer and meditation allow you to focus your attention on the thoughts, and situations causing you stress. If you believe in a God who hears your prayers; prayer also is an opportunity to take your stresses, and anxieties to God:
"Cast your burden on the Lord—he will support you..." (Psalm 55:22 Common English Bible).
Meditation and Emotional Benefits from the Mayo Clinic
When you meditate, you may clear away the information overload that builds up every day and contributes to your stress.
The emotional benefits of meditation can include:
Gaining a new perspective on stressful situations
Building skills to manage your stress
Increasing self-awareness
Focusing on the present
Reducing negative emotions
Increasing imagination and creativity
Increasing patience and tolerance
Meditation and illness
Meditation might also be useful if you have a medical condition, especially one that may be worsened by stress.
While a growing body of scientific research supports the health benefits of meditation, some researchers believe it's not yet possible to draw conclusions about the possible benefits of meditation.
With that in mind, some research suggests that meditation may help people manage symptoms of conditions such as:
Anxiety
Asthma
Cancer
Chronic pain
Depression
Heart disease
High blood pressure
Irritable bowel syndrome
Sleep problems
Tension headaches
(to read from the mayo clinic click here)
4. You Are Not Alone.
Everyone has stress, and everyone at some time in their lives feels overwhelmed by the stress in their lives. Even before you feel overwhelmed seek help and support from family and friends. Let people know what you are needing. Be specific, for example, if your car has broken down and you need a ride to work, say that. It is also okay to tell your friends, family, counselor, or pastor that you just want them to listen.
5. Take Care of yourself.
Eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. Give yourself a break if you are feeling stressed out.
Perhaps you have heard the sermon illustration about putting on your oxygen mask first when flying in an airplane. The point of the illustration is that if we do not take care of ourselves we will not be able to help others. Here is an excellent video that demonstrates the effects on the brain when someone goes too long without oxygen.
6. Avoid drugs and alcohol.
When asked by the DARE officers giving a presentation in my high school if alcohol was a stimulant or a depressant, I excitedly said, "Stimulant, definitely a stimulant."
But that is not true. Drugs and alcohol may seem like they are helping in the short term, but the long term effects are much more harmful than any short-term positive benefit. To clarify, I am not talking about drugs prescribed by your doctor, nor am I talking about consuming alcohol in moderation. I am meaning the regular use of drugs or alcohol consumed as an attempt to cope with the stressors in your life.
If you find that you are turning to drugs or alcohol especially in times of stress, this should be a warning sign to you that you need to practice positive/healthy stress management and should talk to someone about stress, and addiction.
7. Say No.
I wish that we could all quit whatever is stressing us right now, but that is seldom the reality. However, you should realize that virtually everything is within your control to choose to do or not do. I often hear people lamenting the stress in their life as if they have no choice. You almost always have a choice, but there are consequences for your actions as well as your inaction.
For example, if your job requires you to take out the trash, but for whatever reason, you do not want to do that, there are consequences for choosing to no longer take out the trash. You can talk to your boss, and they may work something out for you, but if not, you may need to either do what is asked of you or seek other employment.
I get it, sometimes you feel stuck, you may have a job that causes you overwhelming stress, and you think, "I can't quit because..." If you are feeling that way, and have felt that way continuously for a period of time, you might need to consider other options. When we have families and people who depend on us, we cannot just up and quit, but we owe it to those who depend on us to be the healthiest versions of ourselves. If you are feeling overwhelmed at work, it may be time to begin looking for another job. Yet, keep in mind, every job, likely has some requirements you will not like, and every job has some level of stress. We have to consider our options and do what is best for ourselves and our families.
There are also task that we accept or create that the only responsibility we have to the task is that we agreed to do it. If the responsibility you have accepted involves other people, you need to talk to those people and let them know how you feel, and offer to find someone else to help them or create a time limit for when you will no longer be able to help. It's possible the other person(s) will let you out of your obligation, and it is also possible they will become upset with you, but both you, and those involved, as well as the task, will be better because you said, "NO"
8. Take a break.
If social media, the news, or some other outside force is causing your stress, take a break. Stop logging in to your social media accounts, delete them from your phone if you have to (when you add them back all of your information will still be there). We all know there is seldom any good news on the news, so stop watching the news for a few weeks. There are plenty of other ways to get the information you need (i.e. Weather app).
You may also want to consider taking a break from your job if that is the source of your stress. There are nearly 800 million unused vacation days in the United States. Too bad people cannot gift those to you and me, right? But would we take them if we had them? Chances are a few of those 800 million already belong to you.
Another consideration for you is to schedule a day where you only do things you want to do. Whatever you love doing, do that all day.
Resources And Further Reading About Stress:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/basics/stress-basics/hlv-20049495
https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/understanding-the-stress-response
https://www.stress.org/stress-effects
https://positivepsychology.com/coping/